Let's see.... what've I been up to this week?
Well, On Tuesday I lost a companion and gained a new one. That was exciting. So we got up, I shipped Elder Ririe off to Minden in the morning, then spent a few hours with Elder Thom going by on inactive members and stuff. Except none of them answered. Then we went by this guy who was super friendly and who had been investigating the church, but stopped. He was glad to see us, we had a nice chat and said we're always welcome, but reaffirmed that he doesn't have any interest in "reading our bible" anymore. Then we went and picked up Elder Weitzel, who spent most of the rest of the day getting settled and getting accustomed with the area book and what not, but then we got out, did some doors, and had a little meeting with the Thoms about who all the members in the ward are.
Let's see... I'm trying to remember if anything else worthy of discussion happened during the week, but it's all just a blur in my mind. hmmm... Wednesday was District meeting... and then I'm sure we did something afterward too... Thursday... Friday.... Saturday.... This is kind of pathetic. Well, anyway, I know that we did stuff, but nothing is sticking out that even a little bit noteworthy. It was a pretty slow week, but it was a decent one.
Some stuff did happen on Saturday though. Like we finally got ahold of S again since we moved him a couple weeks ago - we went and rang his doorbell a few times, but he didn't answer, so we left, but then were just standing there nearby trying to decide where to go when he came out and let us in. Holy Cow did he deck out his apartment! He has a whole ton of new furniture, a TV, a fridge, a washing machine, anyway, it was really nice. I hope he can afford it somehow. He was in a good mood and it was good to chat with him. I gave him the Book of Mormon on CD as a present, so hopefully he'll enjoy listening to it.
Then in the afternoon we went to a members house for a nice meal. Well, actually the ones there were the members' son and brother, who aren't members, but they made great food and we had a fun time with them. Then we had to be in our apartment by 6:00, where we played a couple games, and I worked on my Papi's Tschüss Buch (That's like a scrap booky tribute to the time as companions... That was a terrible description, but hopefully you get the idea). Then I went to sleep a little after 10:30. Or at least I tried. It was fairly loud outside, but I eventually got to sleep. But then at midnight when everything exploded, I was of course woken up. But I was super groggy and confused and wounded that someone would do that to me. It was terrible. ;P But Yeah, New Year's Eve (Silvester) is a much bigger deal here than it is at home. This is a small city where there isn't as much, but the streets are still littered with tons of firework remnants and shattered liquor bottles.
Yesterday we had just an hour of church from 11:00 to 12:00, it was a really nice Testimony meeting. There were few people there, but it was nice.
Even though we'd had a really nice uplifting Testimony meeting, I was super grumpy last night, and I would sooner have downed a dozen shards o' glass popsicles than talk to anyone. But we dragged ourselves out anyway. Or rather, Elder Weitzel dragged me out. Or something like that. I actually helped drag myself out, but I was very resistant to talking to people. So we went out and put some cards in mailboxes, something that I was perfectly willing to do, and that gave me a little bit of time to get over myself, so then we went back to go make out an appointment with someone in the street. I was still grumpy, but I was a little bit more willing. Eventually we talked to an older couple who, though they made it quite clear that they weren't going to be convinced by us were at least cordial and a little bit curious. So we ended up talking with them for a little while. It turned out that the man holds a position in the nearby Evangelish (protestant) church. They were both of the opinion that everybody who believes in Jesus is right and that we ought to stop pretending we're more right than anybody. It was actually pretty funny how they would talk. He would start to say something, then his wife would just start up with something else, and they would keep talking at the same time. Eventually she ended up talking to me and he talked to Elder Weitzel. They didn't want a Book of Mormon, nor an appointment, but she said she would look at the website, and they invited us to come to their church, which I would actually love to, but theirs is at the same time as ours. The conversation had improved my mood a good deal, then we went and talked to some more people, and though we never did manage to make out an appointment, I was actually kind of happy by the end of the night. I found that I might've actually found a little bit of joy in the work. Anyway, the moral of the story is that I need an attitude adjustment. I know that the message that we carry to the world as missionaries is one of great joy, and I should be motivated to spread it just because I know the great happiness it can afford them even if they don't. But instead I've allowed myself to getting into this stupor of resisting the work because of my irrational fear of talking to people and from knowing that most of them are just annoyed by us and what I say typically doesn't get through to them anyway. And rather than giving up, I should be focusing more on having the spirit with me and being able to say that which will get through. And I should be happier dang it. How am I supposed to share the joy of the Gospel if I'm not partaking it myself. A very wise man once said that the gospel of Jesus Christ is like a cinnamon bun. It looks good, and it smells good, but until you take a bite of the good word of God, you do not know just how good it is. And the best part is, the gospel is way healthier than cinnamon buns.
I know this church is true. I know that it is the Church of Jesus Christ, in name and in deed. I know he leads it. I know that through its teachings, its ordinances, and their applications, we find true joy. I know that because I have felt it in the past. I feel it now too, but not to the extent that I ought to be, due to a lack of proper application. This Gospel is marvelous, but living it isn't easy. Christ tells us exactly how we can be happy, but knowing what we have to do isn't enough if we aren't trying to follow it. I also know that we'll never be able to do that perfectly in this life. That's why it's so much "better to look up." I know that as long as we are striving with faith to do these things, we can find so much joy, and know that Christ understands where we are, and he will support us and strengthen us as we look to him. I know it's important to be forgiving of myself, but equally important to not lower my expectations of myself. Sometimes that's a hard balance. Anyway, I don't mean to write a public exposee (sp?) on myself, but that's what's been running through my head. I'm grateful to be here as a missionary, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to improve.
I love ya, I hope you have a beautiful week, a nice new year, and a fantastic life.
- Elder Cloward
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